Cold Ground
by PureEnglishRosiex
Summary: Set in the SPN universe, post season 2. One angel's mistake nearly means the end of Dean, months earlier than planned... A story for my Fantasy Rising audition, only really to explain a bit of backstory. T for language. I can't write SPN well, soo... T-T
1. Chapter I Riku

This wasn't supposed to happen to us.

It wasn't supposed to end up like this.

You know, God, I've always been a little wary of you. But now I hate you, for making me become this. For making me lose everything, _everything_, just so you could keep one of your little servants in the clear. You didn't just get to keep her- you tore everything away from me; you stole her away and you watched me suffer, you watched me struggling to find her. It's been two years, and I finally thought I'd accepted what I've become.

It was when I was looking for her, when I was searching like my life depended on it, when I was at my most vulnerable. That's when, because of you, I lost my humanity, and became… this. A leech, a filthy demon scrap of scum. Not even worth the dirt on a higher demon's shoes. Completely ignorable, and completely out of your way.

That woman, that bitch of a woman, she offered me a deal, like every other deal wagered with a Crossroads demon. A life for a life. I asked for her, to come back to me, expecting to be given a year, like everyone else, to have my time before I went to Hell.

Just my luck that she had other plans. She only laughed, knowing the girl I needed was yours and no demonic power in the world could pull her back without killing us both. The bitch lied, and instead let me stay on the surface, in my world. But she made me into one of the demons I hated, the demons I hunted. I didn't even know she was capable of it; she must have been so much stronger than I ever suspected.

It's worse than me just becoming the kind of creature I hated so much, though. Because with my change came instincts, orders inside my head from higher, more powerful demons. Things I couldn't ignore.

I attacked people. I killed nearly every day and stole the life force of the victims, just to keep my body going. Just to stay as alive as I could be. And, little by little, I started to forget her. Her name, her face, till all that was left was the ghost of a voice, a tiny whisper of memory that I tried desperately to cling onto. But, as I killed, it got harder and harder; innocent humans weren't enough. I needed stronger blood, stronger lives, to take. I went after hunters, at first weak ones, with only the slightest of protections, but quickly I moved on.

When the voice came in my head, I thought nothing of it. I went ahead, followed what it was telling me to do- well, I knew it well. Every demon did, every damned out there recognised Lucifer's voice. Not one of us was able to resist him, even those like me who still had faint ties to their humanity. I did as he told me to, I found the two brothers. I watched them argue over a deal, and figured out the story for myself; the older brother, the short one, had given his soul for his sibling, and the sibling, "Sammy", didn't want to let him go…

When they separated, I saw my chance and I took it. Both were upset, and when I tried to follow the younger brother, I found myself forbidden, unable to make a move against him for some reason that Lucifer refused to tell me. So instead I went after the elder brother, trailed after him for weeks, slowly draining his life force, struggling because of the various protections his old friend had placed on his body and soul. He was pretty much safe from a direct attack, until he was dragged to hell, of course. But I could leech it from him slowly, slow enough to avoid anything stopping me, for him to realise what was happening.

I only learnt his name when he finally lost consciousness, staying with the old hunter friend who'd marked him against demons. He was driving at the time, and I slipped the last vital bit of vitality from him, rendering him useless. There was one hell of a car crash, and he was wheeled into ER. He was called Dean Winchester.

I found his soul, wandering the hospital. Found it quite ironic, until I saw the look on his face, and it all came flooding back, when I saw him desperately searching for something.

Her name was Namine, and she was one of the archangels, down on earth, looking out for a family. A hunter family named the Winchesters. We'd met entirely by chance, and it took so, so long for me to figure out my feelings… It was a month after I told her I was in love that she was stolen from me. It was forbidden for her to fall in love with a human, she was supposed to love everyone equally, apart from her siblings and God. So they tore her right out of my life.

And now I was destroying the reason she came down in the first place, and I was bitter as hell about it. But Lucifer wanted Dean gone, presumably something to do with the younger brother, who he seemed to want alive, so much. So I had to. I just had to do it.

I led him to his body, deliberately, wearing the appearance I wanted, the human appearance I'd held until a few months after my fall. I let the illusion fall, showing what I really looked like- older, dirtier, the look of something eaten out from the inside, gone rotten. And then I started to drain his remaining life away, getting stronger and stronger as the man in front of me fell to his knees, the body on the hospital bed's heart starting to fail. I heard running, two sets of footsteps stopping at the doorway, a barely withheld sob, a male voice whispering Dean's name, muttering "no" over and over. He couldn't see either of us; the amazing Sam Winchester or not, he still wasn't psychic enough to know we were standing three feet away from him.

Then the other figure spoke, a female voice, soft and gentle. Saying just one word.

"Riku."

I turn, shocked, and, behind me, Dean disappears, the heart monitor beeping as he is thrown back into his body, his heart restarting, his eyes opening as he gasps. But I can't pay attention anymore. I can manage to ignore the life draining from my body, all that time following him wasted in that single instant, because I stopped concentrating.

Because Namine is standing between me and Sam, blue eyes full of tears.


	2. Chapter II Namine

The man in front of me is Riku, and he's not.

I see the boy I loved in his silver hair, the slump to his shoulders, the expression on his face. It's so, so sad, because although I can see Riku, it's just a glimmer, hidden in the form of the demon in front of me, standing shocked and motionless, beside Dean's beside.

We stand there, both just staring at each other, even as Sam rushes between us, hugs his brother. I notice Dean's tears, and it's enough to distract me from Riku. I don't notice him rushing forwards until he's an inch from me, and gasp, expecting an attack. Demons were supposed to fear angels, sure enough, but my appearance was human, weak; as weak as his demonic power, I expected. It seemed the only trick he had was stealing life from other people, like a leech. Maybe he'd attempt it with me, and put an end to himself after all.

To my surprise, he throws his arms around me, pulling me into a close embrace. A mumble comes in my ear, his voice lower than I remember it, an edge to the words that give me the impression he's close to bursting into tears.

"I'm a demon. I'm not a human anymore."

As he pulls away, holding me at arm's length, Dean screams his brother's name, and I turn, shocked to see the man he's cradling in his arms limp, dying, Dean's fingers covered in blood from a wound nobody created.

Nobody except Riku, who needed others' lives to keep himself going. Riku, who'd been following Dean for countless weeks, without any kind of sustenance.

Riku, who was killing his brother instead. The brother I wasn't supposed to protect- but I did it anyway. I have to!

Instead of watching Dean lose his brother, again, I instead chose to take the easy way out. To stop the demon, to tell myself it wasn't Riku. It couldn't be Riku, Riku was long dead. Still, I knew… it was just the way he looked at me. I couldn't lie to myself, not enough to kill him. So I force the life back into Sam, draining it from the boy in front of me again. I watch him collapse, though it breaks my heart and I know when he wakes up, weak, to find me gone, it will break his, all over again.

And all I do, after I'm sure the brothers will be okay, is run away. I go back to God, to where I should be, leaving nothing but a few words with Riku, letting him go, unscathed. I make a promise. One that I hope I can eventually keep.

All I know is that I _will_ find a way. I _will_ save him, one day. I can't lose him this way, it just isn't fair. All the power of the heavens, and I can't even save the boy I love?

None of this makes sense. It's almost as if there was some influence, determined for me not to fall in love with that one human.

It can't be God. It can't be.


End file.
